When we lose a job, after an initial period of disappointment and uncertainty, we normally waste little time in devising a plan to move on. We begin a new job search, update our resume, plan interviews and begin networking to get ourselves back on track. We know that there are bills to be paid, and this realization motivates us to do what we have to do during a stressful time.
Find a support system
After a divorce, we often find ourselves feeling overwhelmed not knowing how to begin to pick up the pieces. Fortunately, there are many ways to cope effectively, and we all have the necessary tools to begin the process. The first step is to find a good support system, whether they are family members, friends or neighbors, or even a local support group. Many people choose to enlist the help of a licensed therapist, the benefit being a non-judgmental and impartial party to listen to our issues, concerns, and worries and to offer professional advice and encouragement. No matter where we turn, it is essential that we turn to someone. Talking through our worries, fears, sadness, anger and disappointment is critical to our overall ability to put the past behind us and move on. Unresolved feelings never go away, they simply fester and show themselves in negative ways when we least expect them to. To avoid taking our unresolved feelings out on the wrong people or in the wrong situations, it is important to address them no matter how much time it might take. Doing so is the best investment we can make for ourselves and for our children.
Devise a plan
Once we have established a reliable support system, it is important to devise a plan, much as we would do following a job loss. For example, start by devising a list of your goals, both short-term and long-term. Most people who achieve their goals over a period of time made it a point to devise a plan to get them there. Where do you want to see yourself a year from now? Five years from now? How about next week? Make to-do lists, and work toward achieving them. Not only will devising a plan help you to ultimately reach your goals, but you will find that as you cross items off your to-do lists you will feel empowered and your confidence will improve with each goal you achieve. Be sure to set realistic goals that you know you can achieve with a little hard work and determination. Divorce can be very difficult, but we should never allow it to hinder our future plans and progress, take away our drive, or rob us of our ability to improve our situation. Any situation, no matter how dire, can be improved in some way if we put our minds to it. Use the tools that are available to you, devise your plan, make to-do lists, and see the effect it has on your outlook and your ability to stay focused and organized.
Do what makes you happy
Divorce can actually be a good opportunity for some of us to rekindle the interests we seem to have lost along the way. If you use to enjoy reading, pick up a good book and begin reading again. If you used to enjoy hosting lunch for friends or playing golf with your buddies, call them up and make plans to do those things again. If you enjoy gardening, fishing, or walking on the beach, make it a point to do that activity once a week! A common complaint people have about life pre-divorce is that during the marriage, they somehow lost sight of their personal interests. Post-divorce is the perfect time to use your newfound freedom to do the things you once loved to do. You control your own destiny. It is very important to find time for yourself after divorce, whether it be alone time or time with friends. Find an activity you enjoy and make it a point to schedule the time to do it. We are all in need of self-fulfillment. Making time each week to do what we enjoy lifts our spirits and re-builds our confidence. Perhaps you always wanted to try your hand at photography, or perhaps you always wanted to go white water rafting. Do it! You will find that life opens new doors for you when you get out there and enjoy living again. You will find inspiration that you may have felt was lacking in your life. Every moment of happiness that you choose to create for yourself will aid you in the recovery process. The more you smile, socialize, and find pleasurable things to do, the faster the positive thoughts will begin to replace the negative ones, making your outlook on life brighter and more meaningful.
Get in touch with nature
If at all possible, take a walk once a week, or even more often if you can. If you can’t go by yourself, take the children with you. Get out of the house and breathe in some fresh air. Take a trip to the park. Notice the things around you that you often pass by without a second thought or glance. Notice the flowers, the smells, and the sounds around you. Smile at those you pass by. If it is winter, and too cold for a walk, take the kids out sledding, or simply take a few minutes to bundle up and stand outside breathing in the cold, crisp winter air.
We all have the power to rebuild our lives following divorce. By implementing strategies and creating lists and goals, you will become more organized, self-confident, and empowered. Do not let divorce rob you of your spirit or your will to succeed. Stay strong and focused, and know that better days lie ahead. Find positive coping mechanisms and implement them with earnest effort. Remember that although you cannot change the past, your future will be what you make of it. You have the power and the tools necessary to restructure your life and make all of your dreams come true. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it a point to take a step in the right direction!
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